There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. A "shraddha" ceremony. The rituals will reflect a time of service and mourning, showing the familys dedication to Hindu teachings, beliefs about death, and honoring the memory of the deceased. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. You have a great responsibility now. Determining the best time to contact the bereaved generally depends on your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. The dos as well as the donts are important. 5. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. advice. Here, reading 2.20 has been explained. Our Religions: The Seven World Religions Introduced by Preeminent Scholars From Each Tradition. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. Many make allowances for the cremation to take place but the Hindu funeral rites may be executed on-site. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. 9. During which time, the bereaved will recite prayers over the casket and place rice balls near the head of the body. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. Unexpected death, especially of the violent type can result in an emotionally supercharged situation, requiring us to tread very carefully to avoid offending anyone. (2008). Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Malayala Manorama apps - carry the world with you. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Blaming the family for not doing enough. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. Are you afraid of Sivasankar, court asks Customs; allows five-day custody, Chennai roads inundated as cyclone Nivar triggers intermittent rain, These Kashmiri families are eager to vote in Kerala local body polls, Wanted! May she rest in peace. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. form. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. May she rest in peace. This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. On behalf of this community, I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences and prayers to your entire family. generalized educational content about wills. This link will open in a new window. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. If we are not familiar with the deceaseds family, it is better to introduce ourselves and verify the identity of key family members before proceeding to offer condolences. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. Harper San Francisco. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. 2. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. People should wear white and not black. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. Das, S. (n.d.). Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? You are using an out of date browser. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. They sit in the first two rows on the left, and after the service they leave, two by two, preceding the casket. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. In many rural areas of India, gender inequalities still exist where the men adopt the head of household position. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. What to do: Mourners may dress casually. It's up to you. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. Visitors must realize that none of these questions would bring the person back; there is no second chance in death. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. During the weeks and months of loneliness that follow, especially after the crowds disperse, the bereaved person might feel that the world is avoiding them. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. Need Immediate Service? There is often an emphasis on white flowers. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. 8. Many people follow thirteen days of. In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. In this sect of Hinduism, there's no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. You can also donate financially if you can. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. There is a Mukhagni ceremony where the family is given one last look at the deceased. of an actual attorney. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. Serve his or her favorite foods. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". 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Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. people will avoid going to the deceased house. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). Whether we are comfortable with it or not, visiting bereaved families is part of living in society. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. (1995). Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. 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Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of. This link will open in a new window. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. 3. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. New threads and replies may not be made here. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. 13. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Your sister was a beautiful person. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. Silence is a good option; a kind gesture can speak better than words. (n.d.). Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. Your father was a wise man. If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. A photograph of the. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. The truth is, each family is unique, and a visitor will have little idea about the actual pains that the family went through to keep the person healthy and alive. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Are others going to be speaking about her? Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. May God bring speed to your childs soul. It is also appropriate in Hindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one.
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